I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
