Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
