I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
