is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
