mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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