Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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