If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
