i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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