She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you never un-have a 4some
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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