That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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