This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
