yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
