During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
