Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
