dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
