TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My ass is underappreciated
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
