Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
