apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
