Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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