So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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