im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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