Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
