If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
