I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
