I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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