No more Irish car bombs ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
