sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
