we're chasing vodka with high fives
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize