when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
