Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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