i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
