Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
