Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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