No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
