if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
