You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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