bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
