Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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