im drinking this country out of the recession.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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