I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
