If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
