Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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