If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
