The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
