And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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