wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
