Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
