highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
