we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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