So drunk its hurt
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
