I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
