I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
