i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
