that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
