is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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