Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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