508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
