Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
