Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This baby is an asshole
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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