I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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