the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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