He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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