There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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