Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
do nipples grow back?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
