There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
