the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
