I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
