If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
