Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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